my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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