I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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