I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
