You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
