Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
