I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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