That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
