I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
