Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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