dude i'm inner monologue high
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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