Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
