That's when you crack a 10am beer
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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