her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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