Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
