If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
