i would punch a child for taco bell
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
