We won't sleep together?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
