Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
