Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
