Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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