her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
