I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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