You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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