this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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