dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
