I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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