Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize