people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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