if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
