the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
