He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
