You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
