tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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