You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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