She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize