Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
