We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
