I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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