I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
