Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
