Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
