3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
