Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize