Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize