if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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