Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
