watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
wow bdsm is so cute
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
