U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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