do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
