windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
