my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bring me that man meat
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
