no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
