Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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