Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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