life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
