using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
