I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
