apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I party with great urgency now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
