some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
