But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
