They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
