I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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