You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize