it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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