It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
