Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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