Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
