that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
