only if we run a train.
done.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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