it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
