4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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