Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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