he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
