But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
