He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
