K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
